The Secret Struggle of the Influential
When success feels real, but something still feels off.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been drawn to people with influence.
As a child, it was obvious to me, like the most popular person at school or the one everyone waited to see walk into a room. Sometimes it wasn’t as obvious because it was so close to me. My mom is a singer, performer, sketch artist and she can act. She has real talent but when you live with someone and you see it every day, you don’t always realize how powerful it is. I watched people respond to her gifts when I was a kid, even if I didn’t fully understand what was happening. Her best friend, who’s also my godmother, had that same kind of presence. She’s always been someone I looked up to, and even now, her creativity and leadership continue to inspire me. I didn’t have the language for it back then, but I could feel what it meant.
That kind of energy sticks with you. You remember how people lean in when someone walks in purpose or when they almost do.
Sometimes it looked like the Avon lady. She might have been a salesperson on paper, but her real gift was knowing how to gather a room. She could get your mom, your auntie, and your cousin to sit down, listen, and buy in without forcing anything. For my grandmother, it was the Swans truck delivery that brought that same kind of energy. The man behind it might have just been dropping off frozen food, but he was also holding court in the living room. His presence meant something.
As I got older, I started to recognize it in new places. The DJ curating the entire mood of the room without ever saying a word. The event planner or promoter behind the function, pulling things together in a way that made everything flow. At my first job, it was the coworker everyone followed without even realizing it; the one with an undeniable presence, even without a title.
I didn’t always know what to call it, but I knew what it looked like. I’ve been around that energy my entire life. It’s why the work I’ve done with creators, public figures, and talent in media has always made sense to me. It wasn’t new, it was just louder.
So when I talk about influence, I’m not guessing. I’ve lived it and I’ve seen the parts that don’t always make it online.
What I’ve learned is that influence doesn’t always feel like clarity. Sometimes it feels like confusion that you can’t say out loud. You’re grateful, you’re working, you’re visible but something inside is still off.
It’s possible to have a platform and still feel like you’ve lost your voice. It’s possible to be known for something that no longer reflects who you are now. It’s possible to have built something powerful and still feel disconnected from it.
That’s the part no one talks about.
When the Influence Doesn’t Match the Inside
I’ve worked with creators who had every brand deal they could ask for and still felt stuck in the version of themselves that got them there. They knew how to perform. They knew what content would land. They also knew it didn’t feel honest anymore.
They weren’t the only ones. I’ve felt that in myself. I’ve watched something work and kept doing it out of habit. I’ve felt the pull to pivot, and the pressure to keep things looking consistent. That tension is real. Especially when your platform starts to feel more like a reflection of the past than the present.
When I say “coming into agreement with your influence,” I’m talking about that moment. The moment when you realize what you’re carrying no longer fits the life you want to live. The moment when you decide to bring your influence back into alignment with your identity. The moment when you stop managing the version of you people expect and start honoring the version of you that actually exists.
That’s what agreement looks like.
When Influence Finds You Before You’re Ready
Some people grow influence on purpose while others find out they have it when it’s already too late to hide.
There are people who went viral without trying. People who built followings off one moment, one heartbreak, one side of their personality that happened to resonate. Now they’re stuck figuring out what else they’re allowed to share.
That kind of attention can feel like a gift and a trap at the same time. You didn’t ask for the spotlight, but now that it’s here, you don’t know how to fully step into it. You don’t want to lose what it gave you, but you don’t want to live inside the version it created either.
There’s also a different kind of influence. The kind that comes from presence, not platforms. The kind that was always there. You might not have monetized it or structured it and you might not be creating weekly content but your story carries weight. Your voice moves rooms. People pay attention to what you say because of who you are, not just what you post.
I know folks who were leaders in their own spaces (whether that was nightlife, fashion, or underground scenes) starting to recognize that their voice still carries weight, even when the spotlight looks different. Some of them went from being underground legends or the life of the party, to making their way onto TV screens, stepping into a different kind of visibility they never could have predicted. They were not always trying to become creators or public figures. Sometimes they were just known. Now, in a new season, they are starting to see the impact of sharing their truth; not to perform for attention, but to give someone else permission to heal through it.
That’s still influence and it still matters how you carry it.
Agreement doesn’t always start with content. Sometimes it starts with clarity. You start to notice that your story makes someone else feel seen. That your healing helps unlock theirs and that your honesty shifts something in the room.
That is what it means to steward what you carry. That is what it looks like to come into agreement, not with an audience, but with the assignment.
When the Money Becomes the Motivation
This part gets sensitive, but it’s real. I’ve seen it over and over again. Stay with me.
A creator gets a few deals. They monetize. The money starts coming in consistently. They upgrade. The car, the apartment, the flights, the outfits. Suddenly, the platform isn’t just expression. It’s survival. It’s not about purpose anymore. It’s about maintaining a lifestyle. Keeping up with the version of success that people now expect to see from you.
I’ve heard the quiet frustration. The “I don’t even like doing this anymore, but I have to.” The “I want to pivot, but my bills won’t let me.” The “I feel like I built a house I can’t afford to leave.”
You might not even like the work anymore. You might be tired of the content you are creating and feel distant from the version of you that the world still wants to see. However, the money makes sense so you keep doing it.
This is not about shame. This is about awareness.
Agreement is what helps you make decisions from clarity, not panic. It reminds you that success is not just about growth, but about grounding. It asks you to redefine what you actually need and what you’ve only been holding onto out of fear.
Sometimes, agreement will require a reset. Not to ruin what you’ve built, but to rebuild it around who you are now.
If You’re Still Building
Maybe you’re still figuring things out. You’re not viral and can’t claim booked and busy just yet. That’s fine. If I’ve learned anything from being around influence this long, it’s that the earlier you come into agreement with your voice, the less likely you are to lose yourself when the numbers show up.
Agreement is not a strategy or a marketing plan. It’s a decision to show up with integrity now, before the pressure makes you question everything. It’s how you protect your future from becoming a trap. It’s how you build something you don’t have to escape later.
What Agreement Really Looks Like
Recently, I’ve been noticing something and maybe you have too!
More creators and public figures are shifting; some are getting baptized, some are fasting, some are moving differently. It’s not always loud or dramatic. Sometimes it’s just a sense you get that someone is being more intentional, more grounded, more clear.
You can feel it when someone is walking in agreement with who they are now, not who they were when people first started paying attention. It doesn’t matter if they are on YouTube, Instagram, reality TV, or something else entirely. You can tell when someone is no longer performing and has started leading from a place of truth.
That is what this whole thing is about.
If someone comes to mind who you’ve seen shift, name them in the comments. Show them love. Celebrate their growth. Let’s make it normal to evolve in public without fear.
Agreement does not mean being perfect. It means being clear; clear about your voice, your values, and what your influence is here to do. Not just what people expect you to say, but what you’ve actually been called to carry.
When that kind of clarity starts to take root, influence becomes more than attention. It becomes impact.
If you’re building, rebuilding, or just starting to see yourself clearly for the first time, I hope you know this.
You do not need more reach. You need more agreement.
Everything else will come.
If you’re not sure where to begin, one of the most helpful frameworks I’ve used is something called a Becoming Statement, created by Maya and Kevin from Best Work. It helped me get clear on how I’m wired, what matters most to me, and what I’m really here to do… beyond the content and the titles and the pressure.
If you're curious, you can try it for yourself or reach out if you want help walking through it. I’d be glad to walk with you.
P.S. Please “Like” and “Share” this post if it resonated with you!
so good!